This Is How It Always Is: A Novel
This Is How It Always Is: A Novel book cover

This Is How It Always Is: A Novel

Paperback – January 23, 2018

Price
$12.13
Format
Paperback
Pages
336
Publisher
Flatiron Books
Publication Date
ISBN-13
978-1250088567
Dimensions
5.35 x 0.85 x 8.15 inches
Weight
10.4 ounces

Description

“It’s early days, but this big-hearted novel about a family with a transgender child is in the lead for the most sensitively and sincerely told story of 2017…Frankel’s portrayal of even the most openhearted parents’ doubts and fears around a child’s gender identity elevates this novel.” ― People , “Book of the Week” “Deeply satisfying…An intimate family story…Day-to-day parenting dilemmas are where Frankel shines.” ― The New York Times Book Review “Brave, complicated, occasionally horrifying and frequently very funny…Frankel is a first-rate storyteller." ― Seattle Times “Frankel has tackled this controversial topic in a warm, funny and honest way and one that will undoubtedly spark thought and conversation.” ― The Fort Worth Star-Telegram “Frankel’s writing is witty and wise, and her characters are reminiscent of those in family capers such as the film The Royal Tenenbaums or Commonwealth , Ann Patchett’s recent novel about an eclectic brood…This is a fascinating, gut-wrenching, timely and enjoyable read―and a must for your next book-club discussion.” ― Edge “ This Is How It Always Is isn’t only a novel about the challenges of life with an atypical child. It’s a story about the challenges of parenting and love, period...This beautiful story is deeply personal, a heart-rending glimpse of an author writing her way to understanding.” ― BookPage “A novel of great empathy and compassion that transcends politics…This is a family that you will take into your heart and―like all friends―you will welcome the changes that they bring to your life.” ― The Seattle Review of Books “Sly and charming…Comes at the perfect time… This Is How It Always Is explores the travails of a modern family, where challenges about a child’s gender are the same as any other struggles of growing up.” ― Shelf Awareness “A bold, honest, heartbreaking story about the choices parents make, and how life goes on, but not always according to plan. This must-read novel… is the perfect pick for book clubs.” ―PopSugar “One of the most timely and big-hearted family stories I have read in a long time…This is a beautiful novel about the unexpected curve balls of parent and sibling relationships, and the limitless boundaries of family love.” ―Bustle “This wise and often funny novel is a compassionate lesson in discovering and welcoming what makes each of us unique.” ― Redbook “Illuminatingly nuanced and heartfelt, This Is How It Always Is is the story of how a family evolves―and grows―together." ― Refinery29 “Sharp and surprising. This is a wonderfully contradictory story―heartwarming and generous, yet written with a wry sensibility.” ― Publishers Weekly ("Pick of the Week," starred review) "Well-plotted, well-researched, and unflaggingly interesting...As thought-provoking a domestic novel as we have seen this year." ― Kirkus (starred review) “I was lucky enough to receive an advance reading copy of this very special book about a family with a secret. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think. Preorder your copy now.” ―Liane Moriarty, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Truly Madly Guilty “Laurie Frankel writes with more heart than anyone I can think of...With emotional acuity, admirable bravery, utter compassion, and complete understanding, she’s created a family attempting to forge a path through one of life’s most mystifying challenges: how to define what it is that makes your child who he or she is: unique, beloved, and whole. This is a novel everyone should read. It’s brilliant. It’s bold. And it’s time.” ―Elizabeth George, #1 New York Times bestselling author of A Banquet of Consequences “In This is How It Always Is , Laurie Frankel spins a beguiling tale of a sprawling, loving, ever-changing, unconventional, and yet completely typical modern family as they make their way though a world with no easy answers and no magic solutions. How does Frankel pull off such a story? With great humor and candor. With a powerful narrative voice, and a forthrightness so compelling, we are drawn into the family circle to laugh and cry with them, and to ponder issues great and small. An intimate, wonderfully moving novel that is especially relevant in today’s world.” ―Garth Stein, New York Times bestselling author of A Sudden Light and The Art of Racing in the Rain “This is a perfect book club book, a book that should be read in schools, and one of my favorite reads of the year. A challenging subject handled with honesty, grace, humor, dignity, and most of all, love.” ―Jamie Ford, New York Times bestselling author of Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet “A lively and fascinating story of a thoroughly modern family and the giant, multifaceted love that binds them. This Is How It Always Is sparkles with wit and wisdom.” ―Maria Semple, New York Times bestselling author of Where’d You Go, Bernadette “Laurie Frankel has written one of those very rare, special novels that examines the way we live―in our homes, in our families, in our bodies―with an astonishing balance of humor, complexity, and above all, kindness. This Is How It Always Is teaches us to look beyond the traditional binary oppositions of boy vs. girl, right vs. wrong, real vs. make-believe, and to find courage and beauty in the in-between.” ―Ruth Ozeki, New York Times bestselling author of A Tale for the Time Being Laurie Frankel is the New York Times bestselling, award-winning author of novels such as The Atlas of Love, Goodbye for Now , and the Reese’s Book Club x Hello Sunshine Book Pick This Is How It Always Is . Frankel lives in Seattle with her husband, daughter, and border collie. She makes good soup.

Features & Highlights

  • New York Times
  • Bestseller
  • The Reese Witherspoon x Hello Sunshine Book Club Pick
  • “Every once in a while, I read a book that opens my eyes in a way I never expected.”
  • ―Reese Witherspoon (Reese’s Book Club x Hello Sunshine book pick)
  • People Magazine
  • ’s Top 10 Books of 2017
  • Bustle’s 17 Books Every Woman Should Read From 2017
  • PopSugar’s Our Favorite Books of the Year (So Far)
  • Refinery29's Best Books of the Year So FarBookBrowse’s The 20 Best Books of 2017
  • Pacific Northwest Book Awards Finalist
  • The Globe and Mail
  • 's Top 100 Books of 2017
  • Longlisted for 2019 International DUBLIN Literary Award
  • “It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think.” ―Liane Moriarty, #1
  • New York Times
  • bestselling author of
  • Big Little Lies
  • This is how
  • a family keeps a secret…and how that secret ends up keeping them.
  • This is
  • how
  • a family lives happily ever after…until happily ever after becomes complicated.
  • This is
  • how
  • children change…and then change the world.This is Claude. He’s five years old, the youngest of five brothers, and loves peanut butter sandwiches. He also loves wearing a dress, and dreams of being a princess.When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl.Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever Claude wants to be. They’re just not sure they’re ready to share that with the world. Soon the entire family is keeping Claude’s secret. Until one day it explodes. Laurie Frankel's
  • This Is How It Always Is
  • is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it’s about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again, parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts, children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don’t get to keep them forever.

Customer Reviews

Rating Breakdown

★★★★★
60%
(22.3K)
★★★★
25%
(9.3K)
★★★
15%
(5.6K)
★★
7%
(2.6K)
-7%
(-2596)

Most Helpful Reviews

✓ Verified Purchase

I wish I could rewind time.

Oh how I wish this was a book I read when I was a new mom. This author gives you such perspective about the challenges of gender stereotypes and how they impact our children at such young and impressionable ages. I only wish I knew then what this book taught me now. Do yourself a favor, regardless of your beliefs, and read this book. It will teach you how to look at things differently and that WE as the adults need to let go of what we think things should be and let our children guide us through this crazy ride called life. IF we could all do that, maybe, just maybe some of the hatred in this world would disappear.
13 people found this helpful
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A bit twee for my taste, but likable

This book is admittedly pretty twee for my usual taste, but I liked it in spite of myself. (Incidentally, it’s probably one I’ll wind up recommending a lot, because it has a universal appeal that many readers will like.)

The topic is important, and I’m glad to see it getting representation in a popular novel: it’s about a family raising a trans child, and how they navigate the inevitable challenges that arise. Sometimes they do the right thing, sometimes they mess up. What remains is their love for Poppy, their desire to do right by her.

The author, Laurie Frankel, has a trans child herself, and is well-equipped to handle this topic. Much of the novel is from the perspective of the parents, though we come to know the whole family, including Poppy and her four older brothers.

Frankel’s writing style is whimsical and light-hearted. It’s funny. It’s extremely readable. There’s a fairytale element to it—in fact, there’s even a story within the story, as Poppy’s father tells her a made-up fairytale over the years that serves as a parable for what she’s going through. Again, this all works. It just nagged at me a little at times, me being the kind of person who covets heavier books.

This is a book about living one’s truth—and learning how to deal with the pain and uncertainty of life. Frankel does a really good job of clarifying the uniqueness of Poppy’s struggles while simultaneously highlighting their universality. An easy life isn’t always a good life. Sometimes forging one’s own way on a more difficult path yields the greatest fulfillment of all.
11 people found this helpful
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ugh

Thought I wanted to know about transgender child but turns out, I don't. Really hard to endorse this book. Been trying to get through it for a few months but just can't pick it back up.
7 people found this helpful
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This story could give parents wrong advice

I’m appalled at the writer to encourage five -year- old Claude, a boy, who wants to be a girl. The story reveals how parents like Rosie and Penn take it to heart to agree with this boy’s fantasy. For God’s sake, the boy is five! I can understand and respect if an older man decides he wants to be a transgender. This is a very delicate subject t and it requires maturity.
My biggest problem with this story is that never in the novel does the child know about the surgeries, the hormone blockers, the pain and in the end this precious boy doesn’t know who he is because from the very beginning he’s surrounded by parents who want it. The parents keep all the difficult parts from Claude. Not Fair! The mother deep inside wishes for a girl after having had four boys. This isn’t right. It’s child abuse. My heart grieved for Claude. At one point in the middle of the novel, Claude asked his older brother, “Why didn’t you help me.” Although the brother said he had, it wasn’t supportive enough.
People in our society are going too far with this subject and I believe politicians who have encouraged it should be reprimanded. They are wrecking lives. How sad.
6 people found this helpful
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There are much better books on this subject

This was a dreadful book. So poorly written. There are much better books on this subject. Avoid this one!
5 people found this helpful
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No. Disturbing story about a 5 year old trans. I couldn’t finish it

Rosie lost her sister at a very young age, she wants a daughter she can name after her sister, she gives birth to 4 boys and tries one more time for a girl but gets another boy. Before you know it he’s wearing a dress and a bikini. The parents in this story never once tell their 5 year old that boys don’t wear dresses and the author hangs her hat on, “Well we did tell him he could be whatever he wanted”. This is a story about a 5 year old child being groomed into a transgender lifestyle.
3 people found this helpful
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I really wanted to like this book

I feel that this is an important topic so I picked up this book with all the gravity I felt it deserved. I couldn’t get through it. I don’t even know if I made it halfway through. The writing was so glib it was off-putting. The author’s loquaciousness just made me BEG for her to get to the point. More surprising is that she was writing from her own experience, yet she treated this story with none of the care one would expect.
3 people found this helpful
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Painfully quirky characters and too much debate

I was disappointed in this book primarily because (although the little Claude/Poppy at the story's center is a likeable child and a sympathetic character) everybody else was over-the-top quirky. Enforced quirkiness. All characters draped with things like too many accessories that screamed, see? aren't I madcap and wacky? What a clever, odd, captivating family we are. This was distracting--too much 'author' intruding on the scenes for my taste. If it had been toned down a bit, the characters would've been more believable to me.

Also, I dislike books in which epic speeches and position statements are placed in the mouths of characters so they can have multi-page op-ed discussions about topics, as in the last part of "The Jungle." To me that turns a story/characters into mouthpieces. The topic of this book is a very important one and discussions need to take place, but I find it tedious when a novel is really "point/counterpoint" most of the way through.
3 people found this helpful
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Waste Of Time

Great topic, terrible writing. It was so difficult to get through this book that I started skimming over what would loosely be called the storyline looking for useful information on small children with gender dysphoria. Virtually nothing to be had on that front. I was shocked to find out this was not the author’s writing debut. No excuse.
2 people found this helpful
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Sweet and Endearing and so Thought-Provoking

" You know what's better than happy endings? Happy middles."
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THIS BOOK! Why on Earth it took me so long to read this book, I'll never know - it was so so so so good. I can't gush about it enough!
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Ultimately, the story is about family, raising children, and the many hardships you encounter on the way. I find this so relatable having three sons and constantly worrying about this or that when it comes to them. But this novel is also about how every minute of life is so worth the worry and how imperative unconditional love is; how much that love can do for any individual.
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I felt such a connection to these characters while reading- especially Rosie & Penn who approached every situation methodically and lovingly. Rosie with her logic and Penn with his idealistic notions. I was so charmed by their relationship and their family, I would have happily sat at the dinner table with them all and listened to the kids debate the stars and Gremwald, etc. This book just touched on so many of the modern subjects relevant in our lives today.
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YES 100% pick up this book if you haven't yet. My eyes were leaking the entire time and not from being sad, but because I was just so drawn in to the Walsh-Adams family, that everything that happened to one of them felt like it was happening to me. :)
2 people found this helpful