The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships

This book is amazing! This content and revelations it projected into my heart, mind, soul and spirit were absolutely life changing. i have never read a book with this caliber of insight before and I have read many books along these lines. I was given understanding and knowledge into many relational issues and why they occur, the reasons behind the disconnections and malformations that take place between two individuals was mind boggling. I will refer back to this book and the notes I have taken on it often. If you ever want to have genuinely the BEST INTIMATE relationships with anyone and everyone in your life this book is a must have to achieve them. I will now refer to the books content and what stood out so much to me and hope to keep it down to minimum, there is so much to say about it I hope I do not bore you with the content. My heart and spirit is soaring from the knowledge I gained...

Many of the following statements are direct quotes from the book and author...

In the beginning the book begins with you. It explains how you change what you believe and how you create your own heaven or hell. It also explains how love is the recognition of the equal in the other person. When you diminish another person you lose their ability to contribute to you and your life. You can change what you believe but you can not change what other person may believe. It is an individual process. You can make a difference in you even if others never change. Every limiting belief and inflexible position we hold will reduce our potential... do be flexible and open. The people we attract into our lives reflect the beliefs we hold about ourselves.

The book discusses emotions in detail and why they form, what triggers them and how to mature in ways to not be controlled by them, as shared in the following...

Emotions like anger, jealousy and insecurity are an indication you are resisting "what is". Separating emotions are those that make us feel separate from other people rather than connected to them. You should never act when you feel these separating emotions influencing you or another person. People need to drop their masks in order to be genuine, this does mean making yourself vulnerable and open to the other person in order to form a valuable and lasting intimate relationship. The purpose behind having a good relationship with anyone is to have intimacy on some level, which causes understanding and acceptance as well as validation to form. Your self-worth comes from within, not on what others think of you...it does not depend on anyone else. Those who have the tendency to do to say things solely for recognition and attention usually suffer from low self-esteem. Vying to be the center of attention is often present as well as the need to be right which shows out to be the most prevalent and insidious way the ego tries to feel in control.

Resentments may be the heaviest baggage one carries around. Resentment is the pain one feels when they believe someone should have done something other than what they did. It's closely related to regret, guilt, shame and embarrassment. Every time we interpret a PAST experience the SAME WAY we have before, we produce the same emotional response. Time to let it go.

The author identifies the many lenses through which we look at things as follows...

If we interpret "ANYONE'S" actions through the "lack of love" lens or "rejection", "abandonment" lens, we are bound to suffer in some way. The feeling behind the lens the "LACK OF LOVE" is that it colors emotions. When we stand in judgement we error. If you look at both sides it becomes clear not clouded. Choose instead to look through the "miraculous lens" with everyone. The new you takes over and the past has no hold over the way you see things or feel. Unresolved issues become a things of the past and you walk in a new light regarding the relationships you share in. Knowing how to find something positive in the most negative-looking circumstances is the greatest secret of truly happy people. We have two choices in how to respond...from resistance or from acceptance. Our attitude has an enormous effect on how our experiences unfold... Accepting "what is" right now does not mean we condone a situation or give up our ability to improve it... we are promoting more energy for adjusting to our ever-changing circumstances. Accepting rather than resisting which induces stress and accepting creates freedom to shift to change. The more aware you are, the less often you will get hooked into a negative reaction. Become aware. Be open to whatever shows up, do not stress, be flexible especially in your spirit realm.

Relationships...
Trying to protect and contain a relationship to keep it from changing does not work. Imagine a relationship like this...
Instead of becoming stale or dragging you down your relationship continues to be a source of inspiration, excitement and true connection? Making the shift from a conventional to a more enlightened way of relating involves chaining how you approach relationships. The moment you immerse yourself in fearful thoughts you disconnect from yourself and instantly feel uncertain and insecure. "Real Trust" has no requirements and it does not monitor, manipulate or judge. Real intimacy involves:exposing yourself, bringing out your deepest thoughts, feelings and desires without reserve. When we are our authentic selves we share openly, this creates a deeper bond enable us to accept and embrace the most challenging of circumstances we might encounter and having someone to share them with is a great reinforcement rather than going it alone. When we foster true intimacy a safe loving relationship evolves that encourages expansion. A successful relationship takes the commitment to do whatever is necessary to create and maintain a safe loving space for those involved, that relationship being free of judgement, criticism and blame.

Resentments...
Dissolve those resentments. It takes precious life energy to maintain resentments-energy that will be available for other purposes when we choose to accept rather than resist. Minor grievances or unspoken expectations collect into larger issues until they become overwhelming. Trying to ignore or cover up feelings of irritation, resentment, pain and hurt hoping it goes away, but generally it does not. It only grows larger over time and collects more in its path. New feelings of resentment, anger, and irritation will often trigger similar emotions still lingering from the past. When limitation or boundaries are enforced they slowly choke off the relationships capacity for growth, self-expression and joy. The path of acceptance rather than compromise being the best choice. When you embrace your rejections, issues begin to dissolve. Do not allow expectations to form...they create indifference! Indifference is the opposite of love not hate, it is indifference that ruins a relationship, indifference creates the lack of love.. Accusations are an obvious sign of an expectation not being met. Others do no respond as we do, do not expect them to. Making accusations, using sarcasm, speaking harshly, and withdrawal are all typical responses to "unmet expectations". Jealousy is a response to fear, the pain of jealousy can be all-consuming, causing obsessive behavior to follow. Fear is the ONLY thing that EVER prevents two people from connecting.

Becoming transparent...
How you choose to relate to and interact with people and situations you encounter influence the experiences you will have.

The most valuable gift you can give is your presence!

Love compels you to be:
Understanding, compassionate, honest, genuine, giving, encouraging, receptive, gentle, accepting.

When viewing certain people or situations as potential threats we try to protect... as result relationships feel more and more closed and will shut down.

In reading this book and absorbing its content and vast knowledge of what makes us who are are has caused me to grow immensely in the most valuable areas of my spirit and heart. It has given me a greater understanding as to why certain relationships work wonderfully and others could never succeed. For a relationship to be at its uptimum best it requires those involved to be open, honest, genuine and desiring a wonderful connection with the other person involved. When there is no connection it is simply because there is no love or desire to be involved. There are personalities that do not mesh and never will and forcing a relationship just for the "sake of family" expectations is wrong. One should only ever be involved in relationships that are accepting, open, honest and validated by love being the prime motive. This book has given me some of the most valuable insight into the actions and reactions of others that has mystified me for years. It has also given me a greater appreciation for the miraculous relationship that my hubby and I share that so many others find unbelievable. I am so very blessed. Bravo to the author for sharing their wonderful expertise! Do read this book it will transform your heart and spirit.

This book is a distilled guide to enlightenment disguised as a relationship how-to. Beautifully concise, it states deep truths in an easy to read, easy to absorb style.

This book is so much more than a “how to” guide for couples committed to (or seeking) a happier romantic relationship. While the main focus is on how to fully connect with your signficant other, the insights and wisdom within this book offer a much broader scope.
After all, *every* relationship we have (including the one with self) is about ‘connection’, to one degree or another. Yet most of the time we react from old patterns, based on core beliefs that are flawed, outdated, and/or perhaps even harmful.

What if you could change your experience so that you approached every conversation with openness - and a willingness to learn something from it? What if you could live more synchronistically, more in tune with yourself and what’s at the heart of your relationships? What if you could learn to feel full acceptance for each person you interact with - and yourself?
It is possible to feel a profound and lasting connection to those you love, but it does take work!

There is real wisdom in this book … a real understanding of what it takes to keep a relationship vibrant and alive, exciting and expanding, and filled with joy and deep connection. Of course Mali and Joe understand that not all soulmate connections need be romantic. Speaking from my own experience, there can be just as much learning, transformation, and reward in a non-romantic connection, especially if there is a special context for it.

Mali and Joe deliver their guidance, insights, and suggestions in a clear, easy-to-read narrative, as though they’re holding your hand as you read the words. Some of the ideas may be ones you already know. Some may be stretching your “comfort zone expansion” too far. Others will resonate at the deepest level, and you will discover a chance to transform your beliefs and your perspectives, to be fully present in your relationships, and to see the world in a new way. You will become someone who can *be* a soulmate, and as you consciously work on and understand your relationships, you may find that life is a richer experience as a result.

This fits nicely with where I am right now - dealing with my limitations and “stuff” with the support, trust, and love of those who are truly committed to being there for me (and I with them/vice versa). Soulmate relationships are such a special gift - with this book, you may find ways to honour and cherish them even more deeply than you do now.

The Soulmate Experience is a book that I'll be reading over and over again for ways in which I can take more responsibility for my experience in relationships. The authors draw on deep wisdom and psychology to encourage individuals to start with themselves, examining core beliefs and how our thoughts create our experience, rather than attempting to manifest a perfect partner and lover. This is terrific soul coaching, and it does mean being very aware of your attitudes about yourself as well as relationships, and empowers you to make any changes that result in deeper intimacy. The tone of the writing is both loving and straight forward and absolutely challenges the limiting beliefs that are inherent in our traditional model of relationship (as in marriage and monogamy). Without disrupting the sanctity of committed partnerships, the authors are encouraging a much broader experience based on flexibility, acceptance, openness, and gratitude of each other. The "ugly" shadow emotion that no one wants to talk about, jealousy, is given a whole chapter in this book with the understanding that it is part of our human experience as well as provides exercises for how we might transform its energy into a positive, healing for both individuals. I especially appreciate the last chapter, "Connecting on a Soul Level", which reminds us to take into account whether we are coming from a place of fear or of love, and how to make the transition from fear based relating to love based. Everyone can benefit from this practice in every area of their lives, but it is in our intimate relationships that our fears show up the most. I encourage you to read and re-read and marinate in this lovely book and see what a difference it makes in your self-esteem and in your relationships! Thank you, Mali Apple and Joe Dunn, for your wisdom and compassion, and I look forward to the next book!

Really amazing transformational book. I was very impressed with the practical examples and suggestions. They are easy to understand and follow, not like some books where you're left wondering how to apply any of the information to your own life. The concepts really caused a positive shift in my perceptions. I also liked how the ideas in the book are relevant for any relationship.... a romantic one, a co-worker, relative, or even your relationship with yourself. Anyone can benefit from this. Now I'm off to read it through again....

This book simplifies and clarifies the essence of what a soulmate is and how we can know, learn, and develop the understanding and skills needed to be a soul partner. I like the topic index and the wonderful bit-size topic breakdowns; the relevant, real world advice; and the many relationship development tools it gives readers.

A current of love flows through these pages, and it reflects the depth of love and passion that Joe and Mali have to help others grow and reach new levels of bliss in their own relationships. I have already shared this handy book with friends, and find it to be a wonderful reference that I will refer to for myself and others on this journey of the connection of the soul.

I honestly wish everyone would read this book: There's so much good, practical stuff that can be applied to our daily lives and relationship development... This book can take a good relationship and make it better. I can't wait for their next book...

You will fine something (perhaps many things) in this book that will make you say "I hadn't thought of it that way before." One for me was the idea of context regarding relationships. In Mali and Joe's book I read how you create the context/s you want your relationship to evolve in. And they give you real life examples!

I looked back on my long life and realized my relationship with myself and others has played out in a mostly unconsious context formed by my programmed beliefs. For example my marriage would have benefitted and possibly survived if I knew then how to change my context from looking for what's wrong with my husband to what's right with him. I could also apply that positive context to all my relationships including my family, friends, the Safeway clerk, and especially myself.

Thank you Mali and Joe for caring and sharing.

A book that opens up your soul and turns your heart and life to a path that makes you someone who blesses the world! Mali and Joe's book is not just another one of those "relationship" books. These are two people who with their book as a gift to the world, have been able to do something rare: Create a healthy loving community between pages that draws people together from all over the world! I feel like I have a treasure in this book!

This book puts relationships to ourselves and others into a more simple perspective. It allows us to see our experiences from a more objective point of view that left me touched, moved, inspired & called into action to create powerful loving relationships with less ego & more heart.

This book is a gift to our time & space. Thank you to Mali and Joe for taking the time and dedication needed to birth such a glorious child; The Soulmate Experience.

Megan Monique Harner

I've read other relationship advice books, some with a "soulmate" focus, but never have I seen the combination of inspiration and down-to-earth relationship tools that flows through Mali and Joe's Soulmate Experience. When they say it's a "practical guide," they kid not, my friends. And they begin with the project of being a good soulmate, not just looking for one, which is where everyone needs to start. They bravely tackle numerous issues that hold people back from true emotional intimacy, including jealousy, self-worth, expectations, and emotional baggage. My favorite parts are actually the real-life examples that show exactly how these obstacles can be overcome to make relationships work deeply and well. The thing I will take away from this book and keep in mind and heart forever, though, is the idea of treating one's partner, friend, relation as a guest in my life. That lesson alone is worth the price of the book, and that attitude will keep a relationship thriving for many years.