The Ethan I Was Before

Once in a while, a character within a book manages to find its way into the reader’s heart and refuses to depart, even after the last page is read. THE ETHAN I WAS BEFORE is the story of just such a character, twelve-year old Ethan Truitt.

Ethan lives a rather average life as a happy, well-adjusted middle schooler in Boston, Massachusetts. He has a good relationship with his parents, his older brother Roddie, and Roddie’s girlfriend, Grace. Ethan’s true soulmate is his best friend, Kacey Reid. The Reids live next door to the Truitts, and the kids grew up as close as siblings. Although many of their schoolmates’ friendships fell wayside to adolescence, Ethan and Kacey have remained steadfast, true to each other, and inseparable.

One devastating day, the unthinkable happens at a friend’s party. Although Ethan is not emotionally capable of fully facing the events, the reader understands that “the incident” involves a terrible accident in which Kacey is lost to Ethan, and he is profoundly and permanently changed.

The Truitts relocate to the small town of Palm Knot, Georgia, to live with Ethan’s Grandpa Ike. They claim they’ve moved south to help Grandpa in his old age, but the true reason is to give Ethan a fresh start in a new town with fewer reminders of Kacey. Ethan has been depressed, has tried to run away, and his behaviors concern and frighten his parents. No one is happy about the move; high school junior Roddie is bitter and resentful to leave his star status on the baseball team, Grandpa is hostile and outraged that his daughter has taken over his house and dares to throw away possessions she deems useless, and Ethan is caught in a wave of sadness and guilt over the loss of Kacey and the family’s need to find a fresh start, for which he holds himself accountable.

Life in Georgia challenges Ethan with a new home routine, a new school, and the insensitivity of others in both places. Despite his sadness, Ethan is observant and sensitive to those around him. Braving the school bullies, Ethan finds the courage to stand up for the two underdog friends he has made. At home, he attempts to communicate his feelings to his parents, and he is the first one to forge a relationship with Grandpa, whom Ethan understands must, like himself, feel isolated and lonely. When it becomes clear that his overprotective parents are not being honest with him, Ethan describes his feelings of disappointment, disillusionment, and isolation in terms which break the reader’s heart. Ethan learns a lot about himself as he looks through the eyes of a new friend, the intrepid Coralee Jessup, who carries a few secrets and disappointments of her own. An interesting and ultimately suspenseful subplot involving a missing wolf skillfully develops both Ethan’s and Coralee’s characters and allows the reader to savor the emotional healing which Ethan undergoes as he realizes that he is still deserving of happiness in his life and that it is okay for him to make new friends even if he has lost his best friend.

Debut author Standish masterfully weaves a striking tapestry of emotions, events, and relationships which climax in a dangerous tropical storm affecting the residents of Palm Knot. Ethan’s first-person narration forces the reader to accompany him step-by-step through the process of facing “the incident,” coming to terms with the pain and finality of loss, and understanding his survivor’s guilt. Ethan’s voice is true, real, and painstakingly honest as he tries to reconnect with his family, forgive the Ethan he was before, and move forward. Standish has crafted a beautiful child in Ethan, who seems as real to this reader as a child could be, and whom I felt the urge to hold, hug, and reassure. There is no preaching or moralizing here, just a perfectly told bildungsroman tale which resonates on an emotional level unlike any middle grade story of loss which I have read. The final, perfect page of the novel, so touching it hurt, is one of the best and most satisfying conclusions I have read in middle grade literature. Early in the story, Ethan nods his agreement when Coralee asks him, “Every creature should have someone looking out for it. Don’t you think?” THE ETHAN I WAS BEFORE prompts me to wonder, whimsically, might it be possible for a fictional character to have a soul? Well, Ethan Truitt with his gentle soul, whether real or metaphoric, has found his way into a little corner of this reader’s heart, and I am quite certain that it will be his always.

The highest of recommendations for all middle grade and older readers.

I picked this book up because I thought the title was alluring. Who was this character Ethan, how was he before, and what changed him into a different person? However, what I think is interesting about this title, is that after reading it, I am not sure how accurately it fits the development of the plot in the novel. For example, as readers we only find out in brief explanations spaced throughout the book, how Ethan was before "the incident." In actuality the book focuses more on the aftermath and who Ethan is AFTER the incident, not who he was before.
Secondly, although the characters were interesting and the plot kept me reading throughout the whole novel, I began to notice that the pacing was rather slow for a book on this topic. If readers already knew what had happened in the incident that changed Ethan, I could understand the author taking time to show his development as a character. However, since the mystery about what happens to Ethan is largely a mystery until about a 4th of the way through the book, I found myself reading more just to see what happened.
One pro main pro in the story is that Coralee is African American and I appreciated this diversity.
Although the intial reveal is not a let down, the other secrets in the book like the ones concerning Ethan's brother Roddie or his Grandpa or Coralee take too long to be revealed, causing the book to lag in pacing towards the end. Overall, the potiential impact of the revealing of the secrets and the impact of Ethan's character is lost in the plot that has slow pacing.
I also noticed that it is hard to place the time period of the novel. It seems to be set in a Because of Winn Dixi or To Kill A Mockingbird like feeling because the kids do not use cell phones or mention technology.
Overall, interesting read but would not readily suggest to kids.

Sweet joy here, and I hope that Ethan will find an audience beyond the 8-12 year old crowd. Most of us have a heart-broken 12 year old--maybe more of us right now than ever before--keeping us company in our sacred places, and need to be reminded that our best hope lies in our ability to connect with one another. There were a couple of lines that might just go on the refrigerator. I wish every person dealing with a mean girl/boy crowd could hear the wisdom on why being popular matters so much, and the lesson on remembering as the life force that remains when all else seems to be gone made me cry. True, that.

Standish is wise, astute, informed, and caring. Palm Knot is a world I want to revisit--Zora and Zelda, a hardware store with an English teacher turned shopkeeper, who keeps secrets when they need to be kept, and offers her best treasure as a room filled with books, made available to anyone wise enough to see it for what it is--chipped and fading paint, testament to souls--children and adults, who have loved well and stagger under the force of loss, but who work to find their way to a place worth inhabiting. And there are puppies. Well, puppies of a sort, to remind us that every animal, and child, and grown-up too, needs to have someone looking out for them.

Waiting here, for the next story from Palm Knot--the Hidden Jewel of the South...

Zoe - 4th grade

Ethan thought, "I knew I had to try one more time. I waited for my chance, for the opportunity when Mom and Dad would leave me home with just Roddie. And then I ran again."

Ethan is moving to Palm Knot because he hurt his friend so badly that a machine is keeping her alive. After the accident, he feels guilty all the time. Then he meets a new friend, Coralee. After he meets Coralee, the guilt starts going away.

I loved this book because it was full of adventure. It gets really exciting when Ethan and Coralee see something they don't understand and can't explain. Their adventures take place as they try and solve the mystery. I give this book five stars. I think everybody in grade three through five should read this book.

This was an emotional and engaging read, perfect for all ages! When it arrived I immediately gave it to my 12-year old who read it in three days and then kept re-reading it. Once I read it, I understood why. It's great for middle-school as the chapters are short and there is a lot of hip and relevant kid humor. At the same time, it gets kids and adults to think about significant and important issues--family, death, friendship, and forgiveness. I would definitely recommend it and cannot wait for her next effort!

This book was a page-turner filled with adventure, magic, and friendship while also dealing delicately with the subject of trauma. More than anything, the story is gripping! The dialogue feels natural and true to the characters personalities and their ages. The two main characters, Ethan and Coralee, are nothing if not three-dimensional. They both have their own struggles and their ways of coping. The author shows a talent for writing clearly and effectively on a sensitive topic and young readers will surely see the connection between the story and the tough situations present in their own lives. This is a book that will help kids find their own confidence and their way back to mischief. For a book focused on kids, family relationships, adventures, and animals in the southeast, it's full of substance and meaning. It's definitely going to be a classic.

This book was in my son’s summer reading list...and am I glad that it was. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! This is one of the best books that I have read in years. My son actually wanted to read longer than I actually make him for the first time ever. I look forward to more books by Ali Standish.

I absolutely love this book! Even though it is listed as a young reader book, I found it a great read and moments that reminded me of my own childhood. Couple of good cries near the end also.

My son Ethan loved this book. He's a 5th grader that couldn't read it fast enough!

Ethan's best friend Kasey was in a tragic accident and it was all Ethan's fault. In that moment, Ethan was changed forever. Can Ethan move on? Can Ethan ever get his care-free life back?

Wow. Words cannot describe how much I enjoyed this book. I could not put it down. The characters were real, flawed, and struggling to deal with their own demons. When Ethan meets the many colorful characters in his new town, I love how Ethan learns from them and learns how to forgive himself. This is a must-read book for grades four and up. Do not let this one sit on your TBR pile for long!