Growing Friendships: A Kids' Guide to Making and Keeping Friends

From School Library Journal Gr 2–6—This guide to friendships is simply illustrated and full of useful information. Written by a child psychologist and a professional parenting writer, this book goes over basic information explaining how body language and verbal signals can help signal the progression of a friendship. It provides basic coping skills for anxiety so that readers can attract more friends. There is also a section on bullying and learning to say no. The information is a lot to digest for a younger crowd, while the conflicts presented are too young for a middle grade audience. Recurring dog and cat mascots are supposed to provide a bit of levity but just end up being diverting. The section on blending in may put off more independent and individualistic types, and the section on anxiety isn't always clear about the feelings it's trying to help children cope with. Overall, though, the information is accurate and helpful. VERDICT A decent guide for younger middle grade collections, even adults could learn something from this book.—Kathryn Kania, Pelham Public Library, NH "Combining real-life examples, attractive cartoon illustrations, and humorous commentary from a snarky cat and a friendly dog, this upbeat effort provides ample useful advice....A fun handbook for any child who has ever wanted another friend but been uncertain how to accomplish that." -- Kirkus Friendships aren't always easy for kids. Almost every child struggles socially at some time, in some way. Having an argument with a friend, getting teased, or even trying to find a buddy in a new classroom... although these are typical problems, they can be tough. Children want to fit in, but sometimes getting along with friends is complicated. Psychologist and children's friendship expert Eileen Kennedy-Moore and parenting and health writer Christine McLaughlin give kids the answers they need to make and keep friends using five essential skills: * Reaching Out to Make Friends * Stepping Back to Keep Friends * Blending In to Join Friends * Speaking Up to Share With Friends * Letting Go to Accept Friends .With research-based, practical solutions and plenty of true-to-life-examples of social skills in practice--presented in lighthearted humorous cartoons-- Growing Friendships is a toolkit for both boys and girls as they make sense of the social environment around them. They will learn how to be open to friendship, choose kind friends, and most important, be a good friend. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, is an internationally published author, psychologist, and mother of four. She is a trusted expert on parenting and children's feelings and friendships who is frequently quoted in major magazines and newspapers and has been a featured guest on national radio and television shows. Her books have been translated into seven languages. She is a professor for the Great Courses, serves on the advisory board for Parents magazine, and writes the popular Growing Friendships blog for Psychology Today . Dr. Kennedy-Moore has a private practice in Princeton, New Jersey, where she works with adults, children, and families. She is also the creator of the Dr Friendtastic website for kids. Visit her online at EileenKennedyMoore.com. Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Growing Friendships 1 Take First Steps BRANDON’S CHALLENGE: FEELING ALONE Brandon wishes he had someone to play with at recess, but he doesn’t know how to connect with others. His body language—looking away, standing apart, even tuning everyone out by reading his book—tells them, “I don’t like you, and I don’t want to hang out with you!” That’s not what he’s feeling, but that’s the message he’s sending. What can Brandon do to Reach Out to other kids and show them he’s interested in being friends? SAYING HELLO Have you ever noticed what happens when you arrive at school? Kids say, “Hi!” And they don’t just announce “Hi!” to the air. They greet specific people. They look them in the eye, they smile, and they often say the other person’s name. Try this experiment: The next day you go to school, count how many greetings you hear. You may be surprised by how often kids greet each other. Greeting people tells them you’re happy to see them. It’s also important to smile and say hi back when someone greets you. If you look away and say nothing or just mumble something, the other person might think you don’t want to be friends. You may want to practice friendly greetings. They won’t instantly get you friends, but they open the door to friendship. The more you practice greetings, the more comfortable you’ll feel doing them. Start by greeting family members. Then think of kids at school you can greet. Use your face and your body language to show that you’re happy to see them. Use their names to make the greeting personal. And be ready to respond in a friendly way when someone greets you. WHY FRIENDLY GREETINGS MATTER Sometimes kids don’t want to greet others because they worry that they won’t get a response. They’re afraid of feeling foolish or getting rejected and being embarrassed. But you’ll stand out more if you don’t greet people. You don’t have to be best friends with people to greet them. You just have to know them a little bit and think they’re nice. A friendly greeting takes only a few seconds but it goes a long way toward setting a positive tone and showing other kids that you’re interested in being friends. What happens after “Hi!”? Keep doing friendly things to show that you like them. You can do these right after the greeting or later. Here are some ideas you can try: 1.xa0Ask interested questions. Asking questions shows someone you want to know more about them. The best questions to ask begin with what or how because they tend to get longer answers that can lead to a conversation. One or two questions is usually enough at one time. More than that gets annoying. You don’t want to turn the conversation into an interview! Avoid asking why questions because they can sound mean. It can seem like you’re asking, “Why did you do such a dumb thing?!” even when you’re not. 2.xa0Give an honest compliment. It feels good to get a compliment, and we tend to like people who notice and appreciate our good qualities. Keep your eyes open for ways that you can compliment other kids. Compliments don’t have to be long or complicated, but they must be honest. If someone gives you a compliment, be sure to smile and say, “Thanks!” 3.xa0Do a small act of kindness. Being kind is a great way to start a friendship. An act of small kindness tells kids that you like them and it makes you feel good. Be careful not to give away money or favorite things of yours. If the act of kindness is too big, the other kids might feel pressured, and you might feel bad if they don’t return the favor. Read more