Everything I Never Wanted to Be: A Memoir of Alcoholism and Addiction, Faith and Family, Hope and Humor

When this book came up for review my first thought was: Oh yes, another family dealing with addiction. Been there, done that. But as I had nothing better to do, I went along...and read an excerpt. I was hooked.

So what makes this memoir so special? As with fiction, it's all about voice: the fairy dust that brings words to life, gives them a heartbeat. Dina has a voice many authors would cheerfully give a limb for, and what's truly amazing is I don't think she has any idea she possesses such a gift.

Recovering alcoholic and pill popper, Dina lives in Phoenix with husband John (also a recovering addict--who has a life-threatening heart condition thrown in for good measure), an infirm mother who sees things that aren't there, and at various times one or more of her three grown daughters, all of whom have addictions and various other issues. Add to this her less than glorious job at the local supermarket and what you get is a family dynamic that falls somewhere between, Malcolm in the Middle and Cops.

`My customer counts out ninety-six cents in change. "Can I get rid of this?" Of course you can. The express lane is the perfect place to unload your enormous pile of change.'

Without a doubt, the Kucera family is a family in crisis. Sadly, the crisis--or rather, crises--aren't anything unusual by today's standards; after all, the world is filled with dysfunctional families. What is unusual is how this family's matriarch has not only come to live with crisis, but bulldoze through it when so many others would have dropped the can and bolted years ago. The reason I single Dina out is that I believe this family would cease to exist without her at its head keeping it together on a daily basis.

`My house is like living with the circus. All we need is a midget and a bearded-lady. Well, all we need is a midget.'

One of six children--five of whom became addicted to something that wasn't good for them--Dina had a bohemian childhood living in a commune of sorts in Albuquerque New Mexico. As a child she was plagued with anxiety and a host of irrational fears even though there was plenty of genuine danger dogging her life. Her schooling ended with ninth grade and from there it was pretty much all downhill.

`When I was about nine, my siblings and I fell out of a moving van at an intersection. My dad didn't notice for about five blocks.'

But don't think for one minute this is a tale to inspire pity. Far from it. Neither does Dina come across as a victim. She tells her story with matter of factness and humour, imparting wisdom and insights along the way. This wisdom has come at a huge price and she doesn't underestimate its value. Her story, this getting of wisdom, is about what it means to be human, and what it means to survive despite the odds.

By far the most difficult passages to read in Dina's story are those concerning her youngest daughter, Carly's battle with drugs. The title of this book comes from a poem written by Carly at age sixteen:

`I have decided that when I get caught doing something by the police I will kill myself right away.
I have destroyed my family.
I have become everything I never wanted to be.'

Everything I Never Wanted to Be will tie your heart in knots, it will have you howling in frustration and it will make you laugh out loud. This story is for everyone, not just for those plagued by addiction. In fact, those with the least experience with this disease will have the most to gain. I use the word, `disease' in the singular case here because whatever the addiction it's all the same beast. Addiction is addiction whether it be to alcohol, heroin. or green M&Ms. Addiction is the engine that drives the behaviour. The only real difference between one and other is how fast it'll kill you. I strongly urge everyone to read Dina's story. For parents in particular, this should be compulsory reading. This book has the power to change lives.

About the reveiwer: Jenny Mounfield is the author of three novels for children and YAs In addition, several of her short stories and articles have appeared both in print and online. She has regularly reviewed children's books for e-zine Buzz Words since 2006 and is currently working on her first adult novel.

I have never written a book review, mainly because I don't consider my opinion important enough to sway a reader to read, or not read, a particular book. But in this case I had to make an exception. First, my "credentials:" I am a RECOVERING addict with 16 years clean; my wife is a RECOVERING addict with 14 years clean; my son is a RECOVERING addict with 7 weeks clean, although he's been in the AA/NA programs for over 18 years; my grandmother was an alcoholic who never attempted sobriety; I have a nephew who died from a drug overdose; I have another nephew who is currently in jail for drug-related offenses. In short, I know whereof I speak. Why did I capitalize RECOVERING, you may ask. Because that is the key word when it comes to linking addiction to hope, a word used in the title of the book. This book offers little, if any, hope. Yes, her daughters got clean (at least at the time of publication), but nowhere does Ms. Kucera say that SHE got clean. In fact, she makes a comment along the lines of "maybe, someday..." Yes, there can be humor in addiction, usually appreciated by other addicts, but I chuckled (not laughed) a total of maybe 6 times while reading this book. The vast majority of it is statements along the lines of "I'm an addict because...", or "I did this because..." or "I said this because..." Those are all statements preparing the reader for an excuse, despite the fact that Ms. Kucera then says, "But that's not an excuse." Oh, really? Then why say it? Just say, "I'm an addict." Or "I did this." or "I said this." Period. Mostly the book is one long whine about how tough the author had it growing up and how much she has to deal with as an adult. Get over it, sweetie! Everyone had a tough life in one way or another and we all have a lot to deal with as an adult. Giggling over using alcohol or drugs to get through the day is a copout, plain and simple. Please DO NOT buy this book! Based on what Ms. Kucera has written, it will only go to finance her chosen lifestyle. Fortunately, I didn't pay for it, I got it free. But, then again, maybe that's the only way the publisher could get people to read it.

Why can't I give this book 20 stars? Who knew a memoir about addiction could be both heartbreaking and hilarious at the same time? It's amazing that someone who's gone through so much can still function, let alone write a book about it.

This book is personal, witty, fantastically funny and beautifully written all at the same time.

Thanks for sharing your crazy life with the world.

So sorry I actually paid money for this! Ugg, I love to read people's stories about their life, but I just could not get past the foul language and the feeling like I was having to listen to my best friend rant and rave about how much she hates her life (for the 17th time this week), and all I can do is sit and listen because she won't SHUT UP! Anyway that's what it felt like to me. Sorry if you liked this book, I didn't. I think she should stick to stand up, or checking groceries.

First, I am not one that typically writes reviews, but this one deserves it!
Second, I don't know if any of you out there are like me, but I will often visit the free sites and download lots of books at one time and when it comes time to read the book I can't even recall what it is actually about. This book was no exception, going into it I had no clue what the book was even about! Once I began reading I could not put it down! Being the mother of an addict myself I often found myself relating to her story, thankfully I only have one addict in my immediate family though. I found that I literally laughed out loud through out the book, partly because of the stories and more because I can say wow that sounds like my household! With all that being said, if you are looking for a real look into how parents deal with addiction while struggling with their own, please keep in mind she is a comedian so this is not a depressing book, make sure you read this book. I have now purchased this book in print for family members![[ASIN:B004SPW56A Everything I Never Wanted to Be]]

I have to admit that I read biographies and memoirs almost exclusively. I'm fascinated by the view into other people's lives, their homes, their tables and all the pieces that make up living. That being said I am very picky about recommending books to others unless I am left feeling I've read something beyond the normal "I grew up poor, abused and/or overcame" genre. Dina's "Everything I never wanted to be" is right up there with Glass Castles and Angela's Ashes for me with a few good laughs thrown in. She has the ability to make you feel as if you're sitting on her shoulder as she observes, interacts, falls, encourages and just loves the people in her life.
This is an absolute must read book! Now if we can just get this made into a film...I'd love to see Julianne Moore or Allison Janney play Dina's role. Order it or Kindle it. You won't be disappointed :)

I really love this book..couldn't get enough! I have been clean now for 7 years on the fourth of July. My family uses humor in touch situations and its what I am used to. If you can't laugh at yourself what can you laugh about? I come from a strong family with some bad habits and this book gave me hope. To me when one looses hope you have almost lost everything so this book gave me something I needed when I needed it. I would have paid twice as much as cover cost because to me it was priceless

Dina has created a great work of art here. All emotions are straight from the soul. Having grown up with an entirely alcoholic family (10+), i can feel her pain. I can relate to her sadness of being trapped inside a horrible hell ride with a family that is totally out of control. Dina compensates by learning how to adjust and think outside herself. This is a powerful read. Full of details which we should not be privvy too, but we are thankful to read. And yes, there is humor. Deep from within her soul. Thanks Dina, for sharing.

This book is GOOD!! I read tons of memoir's and this is so far the best. I love how you put your twist on things and make it funny. Addiction is a hard thing to deal with and if you can add some humor to it and pull it off you've done an excellent job. I am a recovering addict, my father an alcoholic, and my mom is a Saint (no drugs, never touched a cigarette). I love how you explained your family trips and your daughters having ADD, OCD... sounds like me when I was little and still at the age of 25 I had ADD. It is always something and my husband can never keep up with me. Good job on writing this book.. I have shed a couple tears, and had a couple laughs! :) Good job!

I LOVE this book! Such a great read. I would highly recommend his book!!!! There are parts when you laugh out loud, want to cry, and some parts that are totally enjoyable. You are a great writer and I have to give you credit for laying it all out on the line