A Heart in a Body in the World

"Turned up or turned down, the feeling is permanent. She survived something big, and when you survive something big, you are always, always aware that next time you might not."

I received a book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. My thoughts and opinions are my own.

Before A Heart in a Body in the World, I'd only read one other book by Deb Caletti. Stay was an emotional story that I still think about to this day. Caletti has a way with words, in writing and in life, and I was fortunate enough to hear her speak a few years ago -- she has such an infectious personality!

I thought this book was really relevant to what's happening in our world today. A Heart in a Body in the World was about a girl that survived something horrible, yet felt guilty and thought she was partially to blame. The story takes places almost a year after the event, and small hints that refer to what happened are dropped throughout the story. We see what happens as Annabelle is forced to relive the moments leading up the event, and why she thinks she deserves pain and punishment.

Annabelle used to be kindhearted and full of hope, but now her mind is cruel and unforgiving. Unfortunately, all of that negativity is directed at herself. She endures painful blisters, accepts the parts of her body that are in pain, and ignores the advice of a doctor. She thinks she's atoning for something that, in reality, was out of her control. It's hard to explain without giving too much away, but Annabelle is on a mission. She's not entirely sure what she's doing, but she knows that she needs to do it.

I have never understood the appeal of track and running. I've never felt the elusive "runner's high" that's supposed to be euphoric. However, I am familiar with the pain and discomfort, which is why I avoid it. Annabelle does run track, but I believe she runs for the wrong reasons. She runs until her body is ready to collapse, and her mind is ready to break. She doesn't want to think, and the pain only dimly registers in her mind. Most of this started when her father left, and the author touches on how his abandonment impacted her childhood.

Annabelle developed anxiety and started counting the things around her in order to feel calm. Initially, it started after her parents' divorce, but life didn't make it any easier. She was taught at a young age not to smile at a boy, because then they'd get the wrong idea. Annabelle assumed that being nice to someone meant that they would perceive it as something more. When a younger Annabelle complained to a teacher about a boy following her, she was told the boy just liked her, and that it would be fine. It didn't matter that she was uncomfortable, she'd given him the wrong idea by being friendly (this is her mindset). I thought the author handled the treatment of women and young girls in a very tactful way.

It starts when girls are young. They're told that being pretty is important, and being nice has consequences. They are cautioned against being overly nice or helpful, because of how it might look to someone else. Girls are taught at a young age to change who they are, and how they present themselves, so it doesn't interfere with a boy's life. Being nice is expected, but not too nice. Look presentable, but not overly pretty (because then you're asking for it). There were a few instances in which this topic was touched on, and I liked how the information was presented. It was informative, honest, and so very true. I know a lot of girls and women will be able to relate to Annabelle and her views on the world.

"It is alone-in-a-parking-garage fear, alone-on-an-empty-street fear, the kind of daily fear women are so familiar with that they forget how wrong that familiarity is."

Women's rights weren't the only topic mentioned in A Heart in a Body in the World. There were layers of thoughts and experiences being shared throughout the book. It's another time when too much information would spoil the suspense, so...

"Sometimes, what is is something that shouldn't be. It should never have been. It only is because of messed-up reasons going back messed-up generations, old reasons, reasons that don't jibe with this world today. Sometimes, an is should have been gone long, long ago, and needs to be -- immediately and forcefully and with not a minute to lose -- changed."

I really enjoyed Annabelle's journey, even if her running made my entire body cringe at the thought. It was a painful road full of memories that she wanted to bury forever. Running was supposed to clear her mind, but instead the loneliness brought everything to the surface. Running for hours and hours leaves a person with a lot of time to think, so we slowly see her story unfold. We learn about the event and why she felt partially responsible. We see how society has negatively impacted the way girls and women think and act, and also how and where they feel safe. There are many others, so I highly encourage you to read this one for yourself. It's definitely worth reading once, but one that deserves to be read again and again.

A Heart in a Body in the World was a realistic, heartbreaking story. It was informative and encouraging, authentic and realistic, and something I think people will be able to relate to.

Originally posted at Do You Dog-ear? on September 28, 2018.

This was my favorite book of 2018. So powerful and beautifully written it moved me not just to eye-prickles but to actual sobs. This is the kind of book that makes those who read it better humans.

As a senior in High school, the main character searches for a way to work through the pain of loss that no one else can understand. Youth is a time to begin exploring the adult world. Most often this is accomplished by understanding the world through the lens of invincibility. When that lens is seriously marred by trauma, healing and growing or maturing become unreachable. Reentering the world will require a unique plan and demand a strong heart, disciplined will and the right kind of support.

What can I say about how much I loved this book, other than saying that it's by far one of the best books I've ever read. Across all categories. This book will move you and make you feel and think about so many things. It will immediately pull you in, break your heart, and mend it, and change the way you see things. You need to read this one!

Since finishing this novel, I've read several reviews. Everyone who doesn't give at least 4 stars starts off with something like, "I know everyone will hate me for this, but..." I get that. I feel that way, too. I also feel like that's a problem. Maybe it's okay to think that a book's message is timely and to recognize that parts are beautiful, and yet...not love it.

I very much liked the issues the author explored in this novel. It's hard to explain this without giving away spoilers, but I'll just say that the tragedy was not what I anticipated, and I think the author did a great job of exploring the pressures society puts on girls to be nice and pleasing and friendly (but not TOO friendly), and how this causes us to feel we are responsible for other people's emotions and reactions to us. This book made me realize I have felt that at times in my life, too, but have never quite been able to articulate it. I really liked that introspective aspect of the book.

My main issue with this story is that the author withholds the tragedy from the reader until the end. This is presumably because Annabelle is not ready to deal with it until then. But, let's be honest, it's also a technique to keep the reader turning pages. That was my motivation to continue reading through many uneventful scenes. I wanted to find out what happened to Annabelle to spur this cross-country run. I was mostly reading for the flashbacks, not the present storyline. And because of that, when I DID reach the tragedy at the end, I felt like one of those drivers rubbernecking on a highway trying to see the accident. (Oooh, will there be blood?) That felt gross. I felt gross. And also sad. I think I was supposed to feel uplifted by the end, but I just...didn't.

I know I'm in the minority, but this book had little appeal for me. I found it to be very slow with a unlikeable main character. The author took too much time developing the story, and the "big reveal" was obvious early on in the book. I totally agree with Annabelle's conclusion that women can never feel safe because any man may be a violent predator (physically and/or psychologically violent), and the law does little to protect women or children.

"When even the sky is a reminder you've got problems. Annabelle knows. Grief is everywhere. It's its own being. It walks beside you silently, jumps out at you meanly, pokes you awake at night. It makes tears roll down your cheeks at a blue sky."

I feel trigger warnings are very important. But as they are a spoiler for this particular books, I will leave them at the bottom so you can look at them in you are concerned for any possible triggers.

Annabelle has gone through trauma that has left her changed forever. The only way Annabelle knows how to maintain some semblance of control is to run. She has been seeing a counselor to help cope with her trauma, but she is still not the self she was before it all happened. Her running is a journey she takes alongside her trauma, and like anyone who experiences trauma, you take it one day at a time, everyday you think you can't make it and deal with setbacks that take your mind back to when everything came tumbling down. The journey she took with her running was a symbol of perseverance and survival in when you feel like it's impossible.

This book handled trauma very delicately and only alluded to what our character went through until the last part of the book, when they reveal to you what happened that shattered her life. In the author's delay of fully explaining the trauma, I began to feel the process of trauma is universal (in spite of the triggers being different for everyone). Trauma takes your breath away time and time again, it is something you live with and struggle with regardless of what the trauma is. This made me feel we are all united in trauma regardless of the face it wears or the weapons it's used to destroy us. This feel made this book distinct to me and memorable.

I love this book so much, and I loved all the parallel stories. It was lovely and it touched a cord in me.
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TW: Gun Violence, Murder, Harassment, PTSD, Animal murder,

(Disclaimer: I received this book from Netgalley. This has not impacted my review which is unbiased and honest.)

A Heart in a Body in the World is a book about PTSD, survival, and the ways women have to navigate their own existence. The book has flashbacks and memories that bleed into the current story. There are secrets throughout the book and often ones that Annabelle is trying to hide herself.

At the same time, this book is about heart break and heart healing. Annabelle gives us facts about the heart in each chapter reminding us of all the amazing, strong, and vulnerable things it does. It's a reminder to think more about the organ keeping us alive. And so how apt that this book is about our body, our heart, and how we figure it out.

good read; good author

If you are pro-second amendment and anti-gun control, this is NOT the book for you. On page 331, the agenda is revealed and it is riddled with misinformation.

For 330 pages however, it is an excellent book.